Oh..the pain…the pain!!!

Settle in, grab a cuppa as I attempt to explain to you the event I did yesterday. The ‘Painathlon’ in Perth, Western Australia.

I woke up pretty early (about 4am) and just did some last minute checking of equipment. I had a backpack with 3 litres of Powerade in a camelbak. I had my Deuter Cross Bike backpack full of carboshotz, enervitene, anzac cookies, dencorub, vaseline, 2 spare bike tubes and related equipment. I didn’t bother with elastic shoelaces. New Michelin Pro Race 2 Light tyres, a service from Bikeforce Southern River to tighten the bottom bracket. I had the old triathlon shorts with some Netti speedo type briefs underneath. Used up the last of my trusty qoleum gel. Very important for some modicum of comfort.

Got everything into the car and set off at 5.15am and arrived at City Beach carpark at 5.50am. Dark, windy, cold. Surrounded by lots of other nervous (crazy) competitors. I checked in my two water bottles. These would be dropped off at The Truth at Brigadoon. I chatted to a few people, had a chat to Todd (at 20yo he was the youngest competitor) and we agreed we’d try to do this event together. I hoped my 44yo body wouldn’t slow him down!!

He decided to do the beach run barefoot. Most of us kept our running shoes on. The starter went off at 7am and the pain had begun. A soft sand run of approx 3 x 800m laps. Heart rate already pushed up to 165 after this. Phew!!

On to transition and the cycle leg took us up Oceanic Drive (familiar to those of you doing the City to Surf run soon) to the corner of Perry Lakes Drive. Only a short cycle really and we had the Reabold Bolt to tackle twice. Its 1.17kms of long, gradual hill. A fair challenge this early in the event. Rick Twine had joined us at this point and I navigated on the cycle after this to get us to the start of Cardiac Hill in Kings Park. Now, I’d practiced this run in the last few days and it was only 7mins up and 5mins down with the card punch at the top of DNA tower, a lookout in Kings Park. Already the leaders showing their strength. We cycled up May Drive and got to Mount Street for 3 ascents which was also a pretty tough little effort at this early stage.

Most competitors elected to cross the Mount St footbridge. I was going to take Todd and Rick down Spring St but it was closed off. No problem, down St Georges then right at Parmelia hotel down onto Esplanade then onto Riverside Drive. The aim was to get to South end of Causeway bridge. I think we took a very direct route , electing to go on to Riverside Dr footpath at the Belltower.

Jonathan Hague, the organiser of the event, was a little way ahead of us. Rick bade us farewell as he is a significantly stronger runner. Even though he’s my age, he’s a formidable athlete. Todd and I took this Bridges run (just under 10kms) fairly easy with a steady pace, got our punch cards sorted at the South end of the Narrows Bridge , then back to Causeway.

Some walkers asked us what all the fuss was about. We explained the Painathlon. (How does one explain the Painathlon?)

Got to Causeway and ‘Haynesy’ was having awful troubles with punctures on his bike. This was to dog him throughout the event. Todd and I teamed up with Lucy Bowman and the three of us stuck together from this point. The cycle to Brigadoon  was very tough, into a strong Easterly. On my calculations we were well ahead of schedule at the start of our ride but we got to Brigadoon (around 35kms of challenging cycling) and lost most of our ‘buffer’. The run at the Truth (the truth….you can’t handle the truth!!) Well, the Truth was certainly out there. Waiting for us, to chew us up and spit us out. In total 5 hills to get halfway, not forgetting we had them on the way back. Beautiful views, waterfalls, the surging river, pity we didn’t have time to enjoy it. The marshals/helpers at the Truth were just fantastic. One made me a jam sandwich, had some cake, some jelly snakes, plenty of fluids. We spent a little time here recuperating then set up for an even longer cycle to the Quadcruncher near Bickley Recreation Camp. This was around 37kms of cycling. The preparation really paid off as I think we chose a very direct route there and we were also ready for the little rise near the end. I saw Charlie Genovese, my Jacob’s ladder and half marathon mate. He’d gone there just to cheer me on and I was very thankful for his support. The Quadcruncher challenge was preceded by a tricky little creek crossing. We soon forgot the creek however after negotiating the Quadcruncher climb. It was rocky, slippery and quite steep. And it just never ended!! We got to the top , sorted our punch cards and then on a steep descent into the Valley run with a quick ascent after this.

Todd and Lucy showed some superiority in the descent and her friend had some great blueberry muffins for us to tuck into back at Bickley carpark. I checked my timing and we were going to push it very close for a 5.30pm finish. So the three us knocked off the 20km ride from Bickley to Canning Bridge in record time sitting on around 38 to 39kph. It was just so great to have the wind behind us for a change.  The final 7km run was one of the hardest. I thought I might give my quadriceps a little stretch and felt my hamstring wanting to snap. I quickly saved myself and stretched the ‘hammy’ just in time. We saw Mark Batten ‘flying’ along on a training run and he gave us a friendly wave. At Mt Henry Bridge, on our anticockwise lap, we saw Mark again. How fast is this man? Both Lucy then I dropped off Todd’s pace on this run. Todd set out on the cycle around 5 mins ahead of me and Lucy was only just behind me on the run.

We were eking out every last bit of strength to try to get to Jacob’s ladder with enough time to finish the 10 ascents by 5.30pm.  Todd did the manly thing and rode up Mount St however Lucy and I decided it would save time to lift the bikes up from the bottom to the top of Jacob’s ladder. And the organisers credited us with one ascent for this.

I thought the support at Jacob’s ladder was great. I recall someone saying I had ‘only’ 4 more ascents to go. I asked them if they knew what the word ‘only’ really meant. (Well, it was funny at the time)

I saw my wife on my final run to the finish chute as she’d been waiting at the top of Mount St expecting me to come up this way. I didn’t check my actual time but, on my watch, it was spot on 10hrs 30mins. And Todd, Lucy and I had done all 10 challenges. What an effort! It would be a little unfair on all those who have conquered Ironman to attempt to compare this event. Certainly Ironman is longer. I think Painathlon adds the element of savage hills. And a pretty testing cutoff time! Right now, I’m happy and sore. I’ve just seen Stephanie Rice win a gold medal and I’m just soaking in the Olympics atmosphere.

Thanks to all the organisers, volunteers, marshalls. Special thanks to Todd Panietz and Lucy Bowman. Fantastic effort from everyone involved. To Haynesy, I can totally empathise with the frustration of a bike that won’t play on the day. A real test of your intestinal fortitude.

With 60 competitors and a truck load of money raised for Variety WA, in the words of the film ‘The Castle’ , I think everyone has kicked a goal.

See you all at next year’s Painathlon. And, finally, in the words of Dr Smith from ‘Lost in Space’……oh the pain….the pain!!!

CHRISTO